Growing (UP) together

15 images Created 26 May 2021

'A good marriage starts with tears,' says a famous Kyrgyz proverb. Although I am originally from Kyrgyzstan, I only began to understand the violence behind this famous Kyrgyz proverb and the depth of the wounded souls they often leave when I met Jamilia. She is named after the main character from the worldwide known novel "Jamilia" by Chingiz Aitmatov. It is a story of two young lovers who leave their village and break a strong tradition to live together - a story which tells with melancholy and full of tenderness the power of love that overrides everything. But countless stories of Kyrgyz women are stories of violence and tears. There is, for example, Samira. She is only one of around 12.000 annually for marriage kidnapped women, according to the latest available data in Kyrgyzstan. She summed up in her handwriting: "He liked me, the man who kidnapped me, but I DID NOT like him. I could not imagine myself with him, couldn't imagine it at all. And here is the result. After the kidnapping, I took some pills, fell into a coma, and became an invalid (chronically emotional distress). I want to ask him - How is your life going? My life is broken. I am lonely… Sick... "Samira survived her suicide attempt after becoming a victim of the custom Ala Kachuu which means roughly translated "grab and run." "I am Jamilia" focuses on women of different ages and from various parts of Kyrgyzstan. Each woman has her own story. But all of them have one thing in common: they all have been kidnapped to get married.
Some women described the brutality of this practice. Often a group of young men grabs a young woman or even a high school student in broad daylight, taking her violently into a car and driving away no matter if she is in panic, struggling, screaming, and weeping. Once abducted, the young woman is taken immediately to the would-be groom's family and subjected to psychological pressure by his female relatives. In too many cases, the groom will rape his kidnapped bride to prevent her from returning to her family due to shame. Bride kidnapping is a custom with deep roots. It raised and got a massive problem after the collapse of the Soviet Union. But there is an increasing reflection also on the psychological implications of those affected. Women who suffered lifelong under their traumatic experience of being kidnapped want a different start into a marriage for their children, both for their daughters and their sons.
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